DON'T · PANIC

I don't believe he is what he says though. There was too much love in what we had, too much feelings, and too much happiness for it to be true. I have to let him figure it out on his own though. In the meantime, I am going to be happy and show him that I can make it on my own and stuff.

=]

I'm letting fate control things this time. Whatever happens will happen, and I'll accept it.

Guess who Megan and I are seeing tonight?

JACK'S MANNEQUIN!

Desperate times call for desperate measures. This quote rings true with my junior year of high school. In October of 2005, I went through a hard time that drained me emotionally and physically. I went into a fog of depression and spent most days lying in bed, separated from the world.

I was taken to the hospital two days in a row because of a sudden pain that developed underneath my rib cage. I was put on many medications and underwent several different tests, but the doctors diagnosed the pain as “unexplainable” or “mysterious”.

My doctors had me visit a therapist, thinking that the pain was caused from depression. She immediately agreed, but I see otherwise. I think they had it backwards. The depression was caused from the pain, countless hospital visits, and the powerful feeling of unwanted stress. It was not the depression that caused the pain, but the chronic pain that caused the depression.

I was put on the Homebound Program in late November, after getting taken off my bus in an ambulance. Through the Homebound Program, I received only two credits in Algebra II and U.S. History.

It’s now a year later and I’m struggling to get back the time I missed. I am re-taking English 11 because of last year. I have perfect attendance right now, and I plan to keep it that way. I’m doing well with my grades and I’m enjoying my last year of high school.

I don’t want to be pushed aside by your college because of my attendance or grades based on my junior year. I know I am capable of getting the grades and I am going to try my best this year. I want to prove to myself and everyone else that thought I couldn’t do it. Because, guess what? I can.

The anniversary of Grandma's death was on Thursday.
I never forgot.
I forgot this time though.
Why?

School started on Monday.
Same shit, different year.
Most of my teachers are okay though.
Already taken a lot of notes and did worksheets.
I'm not ready to graduate.

I'm ready to get out of high school.
But when I'm in college,
I'll say I'm ready to get out of college.

When really,
I'm scared to death.

So, today was awesome.
Meg & I went to Big Lots.
Bought ice cream.
Then went to Michaels.

We got posters and orange ribbon.
We made Andrew posters for our rooms.
They are seriously amazing.
Bunch of pictures & lyrics.

Ahh. I love it.